You see, it all started several years ago when Jeremy got his job with GE Capital. He told me during the interview process that him getting that job meant I would be able to be a stay at home mom when the time came. Ever since then that was my plan . . . that is until Jeremy lost that job with GE Capital. He got laid off after I was pregnant and I quickly realized my dream of being a SAHM wasn't going to be a reality. But maybe HE could be a stay at home DAD?! Well that was a fine option if it came to that, but Jeremy really wanted to be back out in the corporate life and honestly there is no way we could survive on my salary alone.
So Jeremy did get another job but the whole climate had changed, across the country. No one's job was safe anymore. Was it really worth the risk for me to leave a job that I had put 7 years into and felt very secure at? Not really, but was it more important to spend that time with our baby? maybe.
Jeremy convinced me to give it a shot and I decided I would at least work through the end of the year. I talked with my boss as well as our parents and we ended up working out a great schedule. I would work 3 10 hour days in the office and 2 5-hour days from home. The days I am in the office Anna would be with her grandparents. Jeremy's mom would come down one day a week and my mom would watch her the other 2 and then I would have 4 full days with her every week.
This ended up being a perfect arrangement. I never once felt guilty about leaving Anna to go to work because I knew that I was leaving her in the best hands possible. I also never spent much time dreaming about her at home while I was working because I knew that it was only a day or two and I would be back with her for at least 24 hours straight. So I was able to focus on work when I was at work and I was actually quite surprised at how much I actually liked being back.
The days at home were hard, I am glad my supervisors saw that it would be (they are mom's too) and set the expectations lower. At the beginning Anna would nap and I would be able to get everything done that I needed to. As Anna got older it did get a little bit harder, but I was able to figure out a way to accomplish everything that I needed to.
I got compliments from co-workers on how accessible I was, I never felt guilty about working from home because I knew that I had put in my time and that I had proven my ability to work independently and manage myself efficiently. I knew this, my boss knew this, and my co-workers knew this. Perhaps the strongest point - my clients never knew anything had changed. perfect. Our arrangement was through the end of the year.
Around Thanksgiving we discussed me staying home again and Jeremy was a little uneasy - there were more lay offs happening at his new job and he was concerned that the whole 'last in, first out' philosophy might be applied . I decided that I would take advantage of my 3 weeks of vacation and then work on extending my arrangement with my boss for the new year.
I tried to get the work from home days extended through the end of March - she would be 9 months then and my mother-in-law would be back from Florida and could take a day again (they left after Christmas and my mom was doing 3 days a week in January), then take it down to 1 day from home a week until she was 1 and then I would feel much more comfortable considering day care a few days a week if need be. Well, that didn't quite fly. I was able to get the 2-days from home schedule extended until the end of February, but that was it. Back in the office 5 days a week like everyone else after that. Why? From what I gather because my co-workers might begin to find it unfair and use it as a precedent to make their own arrangements when they have a special situation arise.
Now - remember I have only ever worked at this company, it is my entire career, I am a very loyal employee, I love my job and my clients and I have dedicated a significant portion of my life to their business.....but there are others in the office who could say the same eventually. Well, also I live 15 minutes from the office and can be in at the drop of a hat (which I did...several times) ... only one other person can say that. I highly doubt that anyone would ever really be in the exact same situation where they could use my schedule as leverage to create their own, but if they are - more power to them! I think they should be able to work out a flexible arrangement that satisfy their work and home needs. Technology has advanced so much, there is almost nothing that I can't do from home that I would do at the office. Plus, no one ever said the arrangement had to end because of something that I did (or didn't do), it really had nothing to do with me which I found quite unfair.
That said, getting enough actual work done on the days at home is getting increasingly difficult and I really don't think that I could continue much longer as is and feel good about the quality of work I am producing, so I do understand that it has to end sometime. I just had to try my hardest to do what is right for Anna - nothing is more important than that.
So now we are at a huge decision point. . . a few weeks ago, Jeremy came home from work all hyped up and started going on about how we would probably be able to make it work if I wanted to stay home with Anna. He feels better about his job now and it is going to be a long time until any one will feel 100% secure with the current economic environment so it is going to have to be a leap of faith anytime we would do it, if we do it. Can we do it? Should we do it? How do you answer those questions?
Well, "Can we do it?" is the easier of the 2 by far. There are actually 2 different Can?s. Can we do it financially and Can I do it mentally and emotionally. Being a stay at home mom is a tough job with no pay, no breaks, no vacation, no health care, no sick days, no personal days . . . could I turn my life 360 and not think about business anymore? Not use that college education I spent 4 (ok, 5) years gaining? How do you know if you are cut out for it? Some people aren't - there is plenty of evidence of that on the internet. What if I hate it and I want to go back to work but it is too late to get back in at my job? Am I willing to give up my place in the corporate ladder that I had been securing for nearly 8 years? I am just 2 years away from another week of vacation. wait, if I stay at home, really, it is all vacation . . . so that doesn't matter. If I hate it, I can always job hunt and take my time getting back into things. It could even be good for me, in my career you really have to job hop to move up the pay scale at a decent speed. . . but how would I ever hate it?
Really when I think about it, if I need a break or a personal day I have 2 grandmas ready and willing at a seconds notice to take over for the day. And what about that? I love the fact that Anna gets to spend such quality time with her grandparents and they with her. I think my mother-in-law may actually be disappointed if I stayed home and she didn't have a definite reason to come visit at least once a week. I would love to be able to keep that schedule up, I think it is so valuable to both sides.
So, can we do it financially? Well, there are several helpful calculators on the internet and they all told us what we already knew, yes, of course we can do it. We are very blessed and Jeremy does well. We currently live very comfortably so there would be some cuts that would have to be made, but honestly my salary does not contribute much to our household expenses. Really the only major issues would be my car payment, which is done in August, if not sooner, and my health insurance - I would have to be put on Jeremy's plan and that cost would increase. But we can do it.
So ... should we do it? Well, that is the million dollar question. I really don't know. We are currently compiling all of our options in order to make an educated decision (see, that college is paying off already!). There are quite a few choices. We went to visit a day care that came highly recommended and we really liked it. I think Anna would love it too and she would benefit greatly from the social interaction.
As I see it, here are the options:
- I go back to work full time and Anna stays with her grandma's 3 days a week and in day care 2 days a week. Pros: more money for savings, luxuries; continuing with my career; lots of activity for Anna Cons: would really only see her from 6p - 8p 5 days a week. wait, 2-hours a day? 2 hours??? no way.
- I go back to work full time but arrange with my boss to work an alternate schedule allowing me to leave early on a daily basis. Say 8a - 4p. Pros: same as above. Cons: inconsistent schedule, higher chance of illness, hard to actually get out of the office early - some days will be impossible; even with an extra hour or two, time spent during the week will not be quality and time on weekends will be spent catching up from the weeknights.
- I stay home full time and just be Anna's Mom. Pros: I get to see Anna grow and learn everyday; I get to spend quality time with her and make sure she is developing in the best way possible; Cons: less money for luxury items and savings; less adult interaction and use of my brain; career set back
- I work part time and stay home the rest of the time. Pros: I get to spend more than 50% of every week with Anna; I also get to have some adult interaction and use my brain; we have some extra income so all the pressure isn't on Jer alone. Cons: it will be a pay cut for me; I am not sure I can leave it all at the office on days I would not be working; it would put a pause on my moving through the ranks.
- I stay home full time and find a job I can do from home. Pros: home all the time with Anna, Cons: well that is a good word for it, everything related to this on the internet seems very shady - not sure there is a realistic legitimate job to do from home that would pay enough to be worth it.
The one thing I do know - Anna is the most important thing in the world and she will never be this age again. I don't want to miss a thing and I will not compromise on seeing to it that she is raised the way we want her to be. She is worth any sacrifice that needs to be made - we can always make more money, but we can never get these years back. Hope to have this resolved soon!!
