I have always known I wanted to breastfeed, it was never ever a question. Going through the prep classes at the hospital only reaffirmed that choice. The classes as well as the books and really anything else that you come across when preparing for a baby clearly show that breast milk is the best food for babies. God made it that way.
In fact, I even had thoughts of never touching formula. Sure, the hospital piles on the samples, but we (as was suggested by one of our baby prep course instructors) hid it away in the basement, in a place that would not make it top of mind and easy to resort to in the beginning if things got rough.
And things did get rough....for awhile I was having such excruciating pain when she latched on - I thought there was no way I would be able to continue, surely I would have to throw in the towel. But that made me mad and I was determined to make it work - this was how it was supposed to be! So I made an appointment with the Lactation Consultant at Anna's pediatricians office and during our appointment she watched how I was feeding Anna and gave me one tiny suggestion (I think it was specific to the way I was doing things, therefore hard to explain and likely not relevant - otherwise I would share) and things immediately felt better.
So we were on a roll. Anna was on a healthy eating schedule, we never had problems again. She always has been a great eater. After 5 weeks I started to pump some milk so that daddy (and grandparents!) could also feed Anna, she did great with that too - never a fuss. She took whatever bottle and whatever nipple we gave her right away.
I started pumping to build up my milk supply in the freezer for when I returned to work. I figured I could pump enough that Anna could continue on breast milk alone even while I was away. My mother told me several times that we should give Anna some formula, just so she tastes it and is OK with it, just in case we ever need it. Of course I knew she was wrong, why would Anna ever need anything other than me?
Well, it turns out, as usual, she was right. And I eventually did try a little formula with Anna to see if she would be OK with it. As you might guess, she was. After that it has been increasing easy to resort to formula. I was still pumping and Anna was having mixed bottle when I was at work - 4 ounces formula + 2 ounces breast milk.
That worked fine for awhile, but fast forward to December 2009 and something changed. I still don't know what, but my milk supply just started to diminish. I was pumping and only getting 3 ounces total (where I used to get 5 - 6 on average) and then it was down to 2 ounces and it really started to become a pain to go through that whole process just to get a measly 4 ounces a day. That was hardly enough to make a difference to Anna's health.
So I asked Anna's doctor during a check up and she suggested Mother's Milk herbal tea. She said to drink it everyday for 2 weeks and that is would help. Well I actually had some tea that was supposed to help with lactation - it wasn't called Mother's Milk, but it was probably the same thing, right? Right. Well I drank that everyday for the 2 weeks I was home on Christmas vacation. During this time I also nursed almost exclusively, which is also supposed to help increase your supply. Now don't get me wrong, Anna was far from starving or anything - when I fed her, she would still eat for the same time period as she always had and then stop herself, and she was never crying or obviously still hungry when she finished, so I figured things must be getting better - well it turns out they were not because when I got back to work and back to pumping, I just wasn't getting anything. So I though maybe there is something to the fact that the doctor suggested that product by name . . .
I went to several stores trying to find the Mother's Milk and 2 were sold out. I found it at GNC and bought the only 2 boxes they had in stock. After a few days of drinking the Mother's Milk tea I thought we were back in business, I was starting to get more when I pumped and I was excited, I had saved myself and I had saved Anna from a formula only diet! Just then, GNC sent me an email (I had given my address at the tea purchase) - 20% off everything and free shipping - today only! I thought "great! I'll stock up now!" and I ordered 10 boxes of Mother's Milk tea.
Well, I have 7 boxes of the tea in my pantry, 2 at the office and 2 that I have gone through and my supply is back dwindled down again. It seems very random and inconsistent which is very frustrating to me because I can't control it. I am at the point where I don't know what to do, I had every intention of breastfeeding Anna until she was 1 and then giving her frozen breast milk for 3 months after that! But now I just don't know if I can make it work.
I really, really feel like I have failed and I am trying everything I can to fix it. I still drink the tea 4 to 5 times a day and I still breastfeed Anna at least twice a day, but I know she can't be getting much because when I pump I don't get much and the doctor said Anna can get about 10% more out of me than the pump does, but 10% of 1 ounce doesn't come close to what she needs at a feeding. She still acts fine, I know she would cry after eating if she was still hungry - so it must be enough to satisfy her little tummy for a short time anyway. And we are giving her solid foods now so she probably does not even realize that she should be getting more, but I do and that is the problem. Not to mention that I really feel like I can't quit now that I have $40 of tea in stock!
So I am not sure what is going to happen or what I am going to do about the situation. I think as of now, I will continue to do everything I can to build my supply back up until it happens or she hits 9 months - whichever comes first. I will hate giving up if that is what the end result is, but it also is pointless to struggle for such a little result.
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